Its been confirmed

Well that's it my worst fear has been confirmed I'm extremely difficult to live with and can be a colossal bitch for no reason at all. Damn!!

Lookie what I did

I figured out how to cover my soap and still peek at it, without disturbing it to much yay me!!!!. I'm still going to insulate it with warm cushy towels but the plastic cover makes it very easy to peek at it when I get antsy

not a complete fail

So that pesky soap cake my mother asked me for is finally  looking normal it took a good rebatch some hair pulling, a few choice curse words and a few gallon of tears and now all is right as you.  I don't think it's my best work but my mother is pleased so that's enough for right now. It's smell frickinawesome (yep one word) I could be biased though because i love cucumber and mint, it makes a rich, moisturizing and fluffy lather and I even though its it my best I am pleased.  Now on to the next batch Blessed*

Really

So I posted on Facebook, that relaxers were not beneficial o your hair and you would have thought I said eating babies was he next beat thing. I'm a very proud nappy headed girl and. I see no need nor any desire to ever go back to a relaxer, my so calls friends came out of the wood work to tell me how great relaxers have been to them and that they can't wait to get one his upcoming weekend. I'm my mind I'm ok well go ahead and fry your folicles if you want but my natural undesirable kink, coils, curls and locs ( yeah that's all going on one one head) will stil be going strong.

Rebatched soap cake

Soap cake part one rebatched, saved from disaster. Once cured, cleaned up and decorative elements added it will be ready to slice for the gift giving season on to removing "swamp things" from it's mold.

More crumbles *wails

Crumbling soap cake sob*

Wanted to post pictures of my disastrous results but for some some reason I can't maybe it's a sign

Sad soap seized *sob

Soap seized I'm pissed but I've learned a lesson about new F.O's hopefully once it's removed from the oven it will be salvageable 

Ready to go hard in tha soap

Soap nook cleaned and ready to go

Giddy

I'm literally jumping up and down waiting on this week to be over because this weekend is gonna be all about soap, I'm thinking about CPOP. My mom wantse to make a few soap cakes for the ladies she works with , and I was like really??!? So she gave me free reign to do anything I please and be creative as possible *faints in happiness* I cannot wait until Sunday my mind has been working in overdrive this entire week . Not sure what I have in mind just yet but one thing I know for sure is there will be No holiday sscents I kinda want to do some not traditional for the holidays but who knows. Off to check my soap notes Happy Soaping!!

Is it too little to late

So for some odd reason I picked up essence's hot hair issue and truth be told they did have a lot of fresh to death natural hair styles, but it got me thinking is this to little to late, is essence just trying to cash in on the natural hair boom. I'm browsing through the magazine and loving the styles but I'm Just feeling uneasy about the whole thing seems like they are just in it to sale high priced unecessary products just to cash it and once we are no longer important or the new hottest thing. I guess we'll see but I doubt they'll still love us once th hype dies down

Let the bubbles fly

So lately I have been in soap making hibernation, just making small batches here and there to take the edge of my burgeoning addictions, but i guess that's not enough. Over the Last few weeks I have been in SUPER SOAP MODE!! The itch to soap bigger and better batches has taken over and now its to late I love it and i have to do it, I find myself thinking about the next batch during work and sometimes completely fading out while thinking about making soap. My co-workers want me to shut up about soap and stop trying to rub them down with my later butter creation. So needless to say everyone should expect gift baskets this Christmas. On to make something for the dog


Time for a bath boogie... don't run!

Nope no baby

Well there wass no baby this month and even though I am upset about it I decided not to wallow in my sadness. I know that there are other avenues I can take and this does not make me a failure. O no tears this moth just gonna dust myself off and try again the fun is in the trying right?...

IF I cut them I won't be me

So lately I've been thinking about cutting my locs, I blame it all on my lovely fiance for having a rich and lush head of natural loose hair that is so much fun to play with and comb(he's like my real live Barbie Styling Head) I've gone back and forth on the issue asking everyone, my creamy crack friends tell me I should so that I can have more versatility and be able to straighten my hair now and again (a big no no) others ask me if I will truly be happy once i cut it, and as of right now my only answer is NO I wont feel like myself anymore I'd be just another loose hair nappy, not that I have a problem with loose haired nappy girls, I just feel like i stand out more from the crowd with my locs. I feel as more and more people embrace the natural "look" (notice i didn't say natural life) me cutting my locs to wear loose hair would make me feel as fake as all those girls you see with the Afro wigs who claim they are embracing the natural life and wearing their hair curly, and to them that's all that matters it having big curly hair, not embracing the love of ones self not matter what the texture because not all natural hair is curly and that's not all it means to be natural I think for me growing my locs is more of an expression of "MY" naturalness and right now why errr'body and they granny is going natural i think my locs have more staying power then people who go natural one week them perm the next only to keep the cycle going on an on. So for now I'll just keep loving my locs and since i free form i least get to pretend to have the best of both worlds.

Baby shower torture

OK so at work we had another baby shower, I knew what was coming and I should have been prepared, but nope not me I was all strong and brave until they started oohing and ahhing over tiny pink things and my heart just broke. "why can't I be the one getting the little time pink things why can't I be the one pregnant" politely excusing myself and running to the restroom seemed like the best idea, and I had all intentions of returning but as I reached the door another chorus of oohs and ahhhs smacked me in the face, my stomach turned and i headed for my desk. I know that we are still trying and its no ones fault we haven't gotten pregnant yet but is it so wrong to want all pregnant glowing women to fall of a cliff or at least into a deep hole until I feel better, or at least until after this dreaded 2ww (2 week wait fort the newbies) so at least I know if I will soon be one of the soon to be glowing and happy pregnant masses

Dang it!!!

I've decided for my peace of mind and the safety of those around me, I need to express and explore my rage and turmoil on here at least twice a day. I'd really like to be able to post here whenever the need strikes but for some odd reason my job does not believe I need 24 hr a day internet allowance and has cut me off from the internet. (i mean really!?!?) so now I'm stuck with my other 2 mobile sources of internet while I'm at work . I try to write once I get home but I am one of those people when the mood and idea hits you you have to jump right then. Writing how I felt about something hours later never appealed to me. I have to be in the moment and feel my rage in order for it to be sincere. This was supposed to be something a little less whiny but this is how I felt right now (wait... why the hell am i apololying I can say whatever I DAMN well please here) OMG that was so liberating but I'm getting away from myself. Due to the stifling life I lead and my constant need to please others rather than myself I have lead myself to backed up emotionally and if i don't start letting some of this rage go I may just fall into the depths of my self abuse and mutilations and i really don't want to go back there .

pity

I always wonder if this will be the day that I finally just give up and end it all but fortunately i know that life has no reset button and whatever I do will pretty much be final. I really want to be one of those happy singing smiling people but unfortunately I am no i carry and hold on to to much pain to maneuver through it safely.

so what???

I'm tired of worrying about what people think of me

Do you boo cause that all you can do.

What's wrong with putting your thoughts and opinions out there we all have the right to share ourselves our views and opinions with the world, who cares if no one else likes it this is about what you like. Everybody wants to tell you what you can and cannot do with yourself but it doesn't matter because in the end we will all stand alone to atone for our own actions so speak freely and loudly express yourself and as the young folk say "DO You"

Being Me and being Nautral

Recently I've noticed that I have become more and more protective an defensive about being natural. I always find myself not wanting to post things online about being natural or how awful I think chemically straighting our hair is, for fear of offending people, when I really want to scream it from the rafters. My honest opinion is whether you think it or not holding on to your relaxed hair is subconsciously admitting that being who we are is not good enough for this world, this is the one thing that we as African American people have that no one else can have. Our hair texture is one of the few things that is uniquely us and what do we do? slap some crack on it and call ourselves presentable well ya know what FUCK your idea of presentable MY hair is NAPPPY KINKY and ALL me if that makes me less acceptable I'll take it. :)

Big and Beautiful the short version

I am so upset I had the most perfect 6page blog ready to post and I saved it on my phone cause it was one of those spur of the moment type deals and I lost it, which suck monkey b***s but anyway..... I was watching Tyra and she had overweight teen girls on and was giving them good eating habits and yadda yadda and I'm thinking to myself "self what does Tyra know about being the FAT girl in school" I wanted to jump through the TV. And sit each one of those young women down and let them know the only person that they should care about is themselves who cares if people make un of you, they don't define you, once you know that you are better than what they say you are their words won't be able to hurt you. High school is only for a short time and sometimes not all the time filled with asses so ignore them and hold your head up high, embrace and flaunt your curves because in. A few years all those who clowned during high school will wanna date you or be like you because you are comfortable in your body and comfortable. In your sexy. Big girls remember Embrace your Sexy , flaunt your curves, be healthy and be happy.

Quickie

I am head over heels in loves with my locs as of late, I know me and these bad boys have been together for a minute but i am crazy about them still. I think my freeforming my locs is whats making the love so intense, now instead of focusing on keeping them straight and neat as a pin just concentrating on keeping them happy and pampered is keeping me happy and in love with them. That's it nothing more for now just wanted to shout out my love for freeforming and my love of my locs, off to have some coffee and chill. Smooches

Guess I am crafty

Its been so long since I've rambled on the blog, but I'm back so my foray into soapmaking was a success i love it, I've made about 4 batches so far including a shampoo bar that my locs just love. I have found my new addiction and i am hooked and loving it. Soapmaking is giving me the creative outlet i needed right now so I'm pretty happy about that pics will be up soon of all my ugly but wonderful soaps.

crafty me?........ well let's find out

Basically I've had an interest in homemade soaps and shampoos ever since I first went natural almost 10 years agol. Now I've finally decide to take a stab at it, after countless amounts of research and convincing my honey I won't burn myself I will be the proud creator of my own health and beauty aids (at least I will when my equipment arrives) yay me!!!!. I know that I would love to mkake this a side business for myself but right now its just for fun I can't wait to see what happens.

Happy Natural Hair Day!!!

For those Who are natural and on Twitter today is natural hair day so to all you Ladies and Gents I wish you a Happy Nappy Day!

Anywho just stopping in don't want to let this blog go to waste again< whats said about my whole blogging idea is that when i get the inspiration to share and be creative I get all shy and afraid of criticism, sometimes i don't think that i am the cut out to be a blogger. I wish there was a way to blog like i do in my journal cause on here no matter what i say or do i still feel the need to censor myself and that's not why i started this. I wanted to chronicle my loc journey my TTC journey but every time i have what i think is a decent blog post i change my mind and run away. I need an outlet i know that i do but somehow the transfer from plain ole pen and paper to this new fangled (at least to me) blog this just isn't working for me right now. But for now this will be a place of run-on sentence bad grammar horrible punctuations and whatever pops into my head and if you don't like it let me know that's better than nothing.

Quick PSA from a non idol watcher

I don't watch American Idol so i dot really get the show so this is just one now=n Idol watchers opinion but.... My PEOPLE, Black People should not win American Idol, not because they are any less talented than their white counterparts, but i don't feel like they can totally encompass what America is looking for in an IDOL. They are always thrown by the wayside by 'some' other races when they do an album that is a little to "ethnic" for the general masses. I am in no way saying they shouldn't compete that's a great way to get your name and talent out there, but when you win it seems like you are pigeonholes and it seems like that can put a damper on any further career. This is just my opinion though i don't think I've even seen a full episode of the show yet, so this is really just mindless chatter on my part. Toodles

The Dreaded two week wait

Well technically I'm only in the one week wait due to the fact that AF (aunt flo) is do around this time next week, but either way it is still a dreaded situation. I'm trying not to think about it to much but it is a very difficult thing to do. I'm trying not to psyche myself up just yet I'm praying that I am pregnant but i not gonna let myself be to devastated if I'm not, no point in that it just makes it a an even more stressful situation and environment to try again in. My Honey finally expressed his fears to me and i was like "that's how i feel pretty much all the time" so hopefully he can see now why i get so worked up. NO matter what happens next week i have strong sense of faith and even when i get down i don't give up I know that i will have my babies and that's pretty much all i need to continue on this journey. Peace Love and BABY DUST to all Mothers to be

Gotta love it

Today is not starting off the best for some unknown reason I felt the need too cut my locs so I've cut what ti me seems like a somewhat sizable amount of my locks and now I feel like a plucked chicken. In actuality it was only about 2 inches but it feels really weird. To add insult to injury it the midst of my whole TTC (trying to conceive) adventure two of my coworker are pregnant and we are having a baby shower for one of them. In my mind I want to scream, its no fair but instead I just smile and offer congratulations but I really wish it was me.

Hoping for better

Right now I feel emotionally drained and I'm really not sure why, it seems like this day so far has been just a roller coaster of emotions, one minute I'm up the next I'm down. I have faith that I will be better but I just cant take this nagging feeling of sadness. LORD grant me peace and strength because i know thorough YOU all things are possible.

They Don't grow overnight Geez!

Ever since i started free-forming my co-workers are obsessed with my taking my locs down, they are fascinated with my new growth. "you should take it down we you can twist it back in a few weeks after we play with it for a while". Why don't they understand that it took a lot of time and patience to grow my babies and I'm not just gonna take them down so they can have something to play with, and on that note why is my hair everyone's plaything how come they cant take the initiative and grow there own natural hair. I love my hair when it was loose and i love my locs now I know that one day I may cut my locs but i pretty sure it will be on my own terms and not for others to play with.

Well this is just sad

I'm am a total dork I'd forgotten all about this so called blog and the really sad thing about it is the only reason i remembered is because i was blog stalking a few loc wearers Hopefully since my life has become just a little more interesting I'll be able to keep this up, well i guess we'll see