Sunday, December 7, 2008

Babies and Dreadlocks

No no no this is not about babies wearing dreadlocks (dreadlock babies LOL!)
its about me wearing dreadlocks and wanting to have a baby.

I've come to the conclusion that I should just use this blog to talk about my hair cause right now it is the most fascinating thing about me at the moment. I really love my dreads but I'm starting to get a real bad case of lock length envy, more on that in my next post

As for the baby thing I've been really reluctant to talk about this issue with anyone other than my boyfriend, I'm not ready to share it with my friends and family yet, kinda scared about what they will think, but that's not even my issue, its more so the fact that I'm afraid I won't be able to, which is really taking more of a toll on me that i thought it would, we've only been trying for two or three months so we are not even at the point where I should be freaking out. I just don't get why this affecting me so bad. My boyfriend sweet as he is says if it turns out we can't have a baby we can adopt, there are plenty of children who need parents, and there is no reason we can't be those parents. I know this is always an option but it hurts me even more, I know its selfish, but i would love to be able to carry my own child bring my own little piece of me and my sweetie into the world. My main thing is why can't I deal with this, we haven't even been trying long enough, but I'm totally freaking out what will I be like if we are still trying a year from now.
I'm going to pray that I can be relaxed about this and just go with the flow, I know that in the end it boils down to that the LORD has in store for us, so we're just gonna keep up the good fight keep trying and hopefully i can be patient.

Sorry for the punctuation, run on sentences and bad grammar, I'm not good at that when I'm shooting from the hip