Happy two thousand and leven

Happy New Year I hope that a good safe time was had by all and we are looking positively to the future. Not much new yet in my new year but of course it is only 3 days old lol!. I made it through the holidays and no one was harmed, i realized my dads death is still a hot button issue with me and I have to start making some major changes in order to find closure. I started activly working on my quest to buying my own home. I've been crafting like a mad woman my co-workers have asked (ok maybe demanded) that I stop make soap for them as they have no room for anymore. I've decided this year I'm going to have to really make myself lookout for me first not always be on the run to save everyone, I want to be more of myself, I want to stop letting what others thinks about me dictate what I do so if I never twist my locs again I don't have to, maybe Once the leave the creamy crack alone I might give them a second glance. Well all I'm doing is rambling which is my favorite thing ever to do but I guess I better so something productive with myself tonight talk to you lovelies later



This is me typos and all love it or leave or.

IF I cut them I won't be me

So lately I've been thinking about cutting my locs, I blame it all on my lovely fiance for having a rich and lush head of natural loose hair that is so much fun to play with and comb(he's like my real live Barbie Styling Head) I've gone back and forth on the issue asking everyone, my creamy crack friends tell me I should so that I can have more versatility and be able to straighten my hair now and again (a big no no) others ask me if I will truly be happy once i cut it, and as of right now my only answer is NO I wont feel like myself anymore I'd be just another loose hair nappy, not that I have a problem with loose haired nappy girls, I just feel like i stand out more from the crowd with my locs. I feel as more and more people embrace the natural "look" (notice i didn't say natural life) me cutting my locs to wear loose hair would make me feel as fake as all those girls you see with the Afro wigs who claim they are embracing the natural life and wearing their hair curly, and to them that's all that matters it having big curly hair, not embracing the love of ones self not matter what the texture because not all natural hair is curly and that's not all it means to be natural I think for me growing my locs is more of an expression of "MY" naturalness and right now why errr'body and they granny is going natural i think my locs have more staying power then people who go natural one week them perm the next only to keep the cycle going on an on. So for now I'll just keep loving my locs and since i free form i least get to pretend to have the best of both worlds.

Being Me and being Nautral

Recently I've noticed that I have become more and more protective an defensive about being natural. I always find myself not wanting to post things online about being natural or how awful I think chemically straighting our hair is, for fear of offending people, when I really want to scream it from the rafters. My honest opinion is whether you think it or not holding on to your relaxed hair is subconsciously admitting that being who we are is not good enough for this world, this is the one thing that we as African American people have that no one else can have. Our hair texture is one of the few things that is uniquely us and what do we do? slap some crack on it and call ourselves presentable well ya know what FUCK your idea of presentable MY hair is NAPPPY KINKY and ALL me if that makes me less acceptable I'll take it. :)

Guess I am crafty

Its been so long since I've rambled on the blog, but I'm back so my foray into soapmaking was a success i love it, I've made about 4 batches so far including a shampoo bar that my locs just love. I have found my new addiction and i am hooked and loving it. Soapmaking is giving me the creative outlet i needed right now so I'm pretty happy about that pics will be up soon of all my ugly but wonderful soaps.

Gotta love it

Today is not starting off the best for some unknown reason I felt the need too cut my locs so I've cut what ti me seems like a somewhat sizable amount of my locks and now I feel like a plucked chicken. In actuality it was only about 2 inches but it feels really weird. To add insult to injury it the midst of my whole TTC (trying to conceive) adventure two of my coworker are pregnant and we are having a baby shower for one of them. In my mind I want to scream, its no fair but instead I just smile and offer congratulations but I really wish it was me.

Babies and Dreadlocks

No no no this is not about babies wearing dreadlocks (dreadlock babies LOL!)
its about me wearing dreadlocks and wanting to have a baby.

I've come to the conclusion that I should just use this blog to talk about my hair cause right now it is the most fascinating thing about me at the moment. I really love my dreads but I'm starting to get a real bad case of lock length envy, more on that in my next post



As for the baby thing I've been really reluctant to talk about this issue with anyone other than my boyfriend, I'm not ready to share it with my friends and family yet, kinda scared about what they will think, but that's not even my issue, its more so the fact that I'm afraid I won't be able to, which is really taking more of a toll on me that i thought it would, we've only been trying for two or three months so we are not even at the point where I should be freaking out. I just don't get why this affecting me so bad. My boyfriend sweet as he is says if it turns out we can't have a baby we can adopt, there are plenty of children who need parents, and there is no reason we can't be those parents. I know this is always an option but it hurts me even more, I know its selfish, but i would love to be able to carry my own child bring my own little piece of me and my sweetie into the world. My main thing is why can't I deal with this, we haven't even been trying long enough, but I'm totally freaking out what will I be like if we are still trying a year from now.
I'm going to pray that I can be relaxed about this and just go with the flow, I know that in the end it boils down to that the LORD has in store for us, so we're just gonna keep up the good fight keep trying and hopefully i can be patient.

Sorry for the punctuation, run on sentences and bad grammar, I'm not good at that when I'm shooting from the hip