Wednesday, October 6, 2010
I've decided for my peace of mind and the safety of those around me, I need to express and explore my rage and turmoil on here at least twice a day. I'd really like to be able to post here whenever the need strikes but for some odd reason my job does not believe I need 24 hr a day internet allowance and has cut me off from the internet. (i mean really!?!?) so now I'm stuck with my other 2 mobile sources of internet while I'm at work . I try to write once I get home but I am one of those people when the mood and idea hits you you have to jump right then. Writing how I felt about something hours later never appealed to me. I have to be in the moment and feel my rage in order for it to be sincere. This was supposed to be something a little less whiny but this is how I felt right now (wait... why the hell am i apololying I can say whatever I DAMN well please here) OMG that was so liberating but I'm getting away from myself. Due to the stifling life I lead and my constant need to please others rather than myself I have lead myself to backed up emotionally and if i don't start letting some of this rage go I may just fall into the depths of my self abuse and mutilations and i really don't want to go back there .