OMG

Hey y'all ive been away forever, real world responsibilities are kinda sucky to say the least. I hope to be back and updating more often. I'm still soaping as much as possible on fact I actually have nothing on my shelf all my friends and co-workers have cleaned me out so needless to say I need to get back on the ball. I turned 30 last week and managed not to fall apart, I decided that this would be the year that sweetie and I look more into having a baby and the options that we have, hopefully we can handle the donor situation and have us a little bundle of baby. Well just a mini update I have to get ready to visit the plantation so we'll talk later chirren *smooches*

Happy two thousand and leven

Happy New Year I hope that a good safe time was had by all and we are looking positively to the future. Not much new yet in my new year but of course it is only 3 days old lol!. I made it through the holidays and no one was harmed, i realized my dads death is still a hot button issue with me and I have to start making some major changes in order to find closure. I started activly working on my quest to buying my own home. I've been crafting like a mad woman my co-workers have asked (ok maybe demanded) that I stop make soap for them as they have no room for anymore. I've decided this year I'm going to have to really make myself lookout for me first not always be on the run to save everyone, I want to be more of myself, I want to stop letting what others thinks about me dictate what I do so if I never twist my locs again I don't have to, maybe Once the leave the creamy crack alone I might give them a second glance. Well all I'm doing is rambling which is my favorite thing ever to do but I guess I better so something productive with myself tonight talk to you lovelies later



This is me typos and all love it or leave or.

Its been confirmed

Well that's it my worst fear has been confirmed I'm extremely difficult to live with and can be a colossal bitch for no reason at all. Damn!!

Lookie what I did

I figured out how to cover my soap and still peek at it, without disturbing it to much yay me!!!!. I'm still going to insulate it with warm cushy towels but the plastic cover makes it very easy to peek at it when I get antsy

not a complete fail

So that pesky soap cake my mother asked me for is finally  looking normal it took a good rebatch some hair pulling, a few choice curse words and a few gallon of tears and now all is right as you.  I don't think it's my best work but my mother is pleased so that's enough for right now. It's smell frickinawesome (yep one word) I could be biased though because i love cucumber and mint, it makes a rich, moisturizing and fluffy lather and I even though its it my best I am pleased.  Now on to the next batch Blessed*

Really

So I posted on Facebook, that relaxers were not beneficial o your hair and you would have thought I said eating babies was he next beat thing. I'm a very proud nappy headed girl and. I see no need nor any desire to ever go back to a relaxer, my so calls friends came out of the wood work to tell me how great relaxers have been to them and that they can't wait to get one his upcoming weekend. I'm my mind I'm ok well go ahead and fry your folicles if you want but my natural undesirable kink, coils, curls and locs ( yeah that's all going on one one head) will stil be going strong.

Rebatched soap cake

Soap cake part one rebatched, saved from disaster. Once cured, cleaned up and decorative elements added it will be ready to slice for the gift giving season on to removing "swamp things" from it's mold.

More crumbles *wails

Crumbling soap cake sob*

Wanted to post pictures of my disastrous results but for some some reason I can't maybe it's a sign

Sad soap seized *sob

Soap seized I'm pissed but I've learned a lesson about new F.O's hopefully once it's removed from the oven it will be salvageable 

Ready to go hard in tha soap

Soap nook cleaned and ready to go

Giddy

I'm literally jumping up and down waiting on this week to be over because this weekend is gonna be all about soap, I'm thinking about CPOP. My mom wantse to make a few soap cakes for the ladies she works with , and I was like really??!? So she gave me free reign to do anything I please and be creative as possible *faints in happiness* I cannot wait until Sunday my mind has been working in overdrive this entire week . Not sure what I have in mind just yet but one thing I know for sure is there will be No holiday sscents I kinda want to do some not traditional for the holidays but who knows. Off to check my soap notes Happy Soaping!!

Is it too little to late

So for some odd reason I picked up essence's hot hair issue and truth be told they did have a lot of fresh to death natural hair styles, but it got me thinking is this to little to late, is essence just trying to cash in on the natural hair boom. I'm browsing through the magazine and loving the styles but I'm Just feeling uneasy about the whole thing seems like they are just in it to sale high priced unecessary products just to cash it and once we are no longer important or the new hottest thing. I guess we'll see but I doubt they'll still love us once th hype dies down

Let the bubbles fly

So lately I have been in soap making hibernation, just making small batches here and there to take the edge of my burgeoning addictions, but i guess that's not enough. Over the Last few weeks I have been in SUPER SOAP MODE!! The itch to soap bigger and better batches has taken over and now its to late I love it and i have to do it, I find myself thinking about the next batch during work and sometimes completely fading out while thinking about making soap. My co-workers want me to shut up about soap and stop trying to rub them down with my later butter creation. So needless to say everyone should expect gift baskets this Christmas. On to make something for the dog


Time for a bath boogie... don't run!

Nope no baby

Well there wass no baby this month and even though I am upset about it I decided not to wallow in my sadness. I know that there are other avenues I can take and this does not make me a failure. O no tears this moth just gonna dust myself off and try again the fun is in the trying right?...

IF I cut them I won't be me

So lately I've been thinking about cutting my locs, I blame it all on my lovely fiance for having a rich and lush head of natural loose hair that is so much fun to play with and comb(he's like my real live Barbie Styling Head) I've gone back and forth on the issue asking everyone, my creamy crack friends tell me I should so that I can have more versatility and be able to straighten my hair now and again (a big no no) others ask me if I will truly be happy once i cut it, and as of right now my only answer is NO I wont feel like myself anymore I'd be just another loose hair nappy, not that I have a problem with loose haired nappy girls, I just feel like i stand out more from the crowd with my locs. I feel as more and more people embrace the natural "look" (notice i didn't say natural life) me cutting my locs to wear loose hair would make me feel as fake as all those girls you see with the Afro wigs who claim they are embracing the natural life and wearing their hair curly, and to them that's all that matters it having big curly hair, not embracing the love of ones self not matter what the texture because not all natural hair is curly and that's not all it means to be natural I think for me growing my locs is more of an expression of "MY" naturalness and right now why errr'body and they granny is going natural i think my locs have more staying power then people who go natural one week them perm the next only to keep the cycle going on an on. So for now I'll just keep loving my locs and since i free form i least get to pretend to have the best of both worlds.

Baby shower torture

OK so at work we had another baby shower, I knew what was coming and I should have been prepared, but nope not me I was all strong and brave until they started oohing and ahhing over tiny pink things and my heart just broke. "why can't I be the one getting the little time pink things why can't I be the one pregnant" politely excusing myself and running to the restroom seemed like the best idea, and I had all intentions of returning but as I reached the door another chorus of oohs and ahhhs smacked me in the face, my stomach turned and i headed for my desk. I know that we are still trying and its no ones fault we haven't gotten pregnant yet but is it so wrong to want all pregnant glowing women to fall of a cliff or at least into a deep hole until I feel better, or at least until after this dreaded 2ww (2 week wait fort the newbies) so at least I know if I will soon be one of the soon to be glowing and happy pregnant masses

Dang it!!!

I've decided for my peace of mind and the safety of those around me, I need to express and explore my rage and turmoil on here at least twice a day. I'd really like to be able to post here whenever the need strikes but for some odd reason my job does not believe I need 24 hr a day internet allowance and has cut me off from the internet. (i mean really!?!?) so now I'm stuck with my other 2 mobile sources of internet while I'm at work . I try to write once I get home but I am one of those people when the mood and idea hits you you have to jump right then. Writing how I felt about something hours later never appealed to me. I have to be in the moment and feel my rage in order for it to be sincere. This was supposed to be something a little less whiny but this is how I felt right now (wait... why the hell am i apololying I can say whatever I DAMN well please here) OMG that was so liberating but I'm getting away from myself. Due to the stifling life I lead and my constant need to please others rather than myself I have lead myself to backed up emotionally and if i don't start letting some of this rage go I may just fall into the depths of my self abuse and mutilations and i really don't want to go back there .

pity

I always wonder if this will be the day that I finally just give up and end it all but fortunately i know that life has no reset button and whatever I do will pretty much be final. I really want to be one of those happy singing smiling people but unfortunately I am no i carry and hold on to to much pain to maneuver through it safely.